I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
