She is in my trunk
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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