Someone shit on the floor
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
foreskin is a definite game changer
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
