What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I love having hate sex.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
