Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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