Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She's the barista slut.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
