if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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