Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
