I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
