I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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