Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Randomize
