the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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