it's too hot outside to masturbate.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
