you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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