After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
