im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
