ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
