Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
