hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
