Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
