JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I am spending my child support on dildos
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
