dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
