Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
