best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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