Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
