Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
two words...techno handjob
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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