...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
