Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
