its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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