Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize