My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
