4 words: hood of his car
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
