I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
