dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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