Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He shit in the fireplace
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
