Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
