we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
