Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
