He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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