3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize