No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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