is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
