Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
