ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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