shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
