Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
