Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
