I think I just saw someone hide a body.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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