The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
