So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize