Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
