Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
