I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
