hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
