After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize