taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
