He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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