mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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