i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
