in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
