I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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