i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
