So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
