Say something about gay babies.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
