My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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