She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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