Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
