Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
