Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize