What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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