I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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