I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize