he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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